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Cinnamon Glazed Doughfins

My children and husband are the greatest source of joy in my life: Mother’s Day is not. I love that because of the holiday, I am likely to spend time with at least one and sometimes both of my kids. I love that it is a day, some what like my birthday, on which I feel a tiny bit entitled.

But from the first signs of the holiday– a poster at the mall, an ad on television, an email from a restaurant– an achey hollow place starts to form some where inside. Is that my gut? My soul? It grows like a shallow empty crater until the day is actually here. It is the hole where, like so many motherless children, I miss my mother.

I especially longed for her just a few weeks ago when I had surgery and she was not there to make that wonderful “Ooooh, honey” coo of compassion. I missed her when my son got engaged and we couldn’t gush and giggle together. I miss being able to dissect every pleasurable detail of my niece’s upcoming wedding, or my last niece’s graduation. (Look, Mom, all the grandkids finished now!)

I think back to the times when I swore I wouldn’t be like her, and those years when I just knew I would never, ever, ever parent the way she was. And yet here we are, my sisters and I, each of us following in her footsteps in our own ways.

When my imperious, difficult grandmother died at the age of 109, the rabbi came to us before the funeral and asked us for our fondest memories; to tell her something wonderful that our grandmother had done for us. There was her legendary sense of humor and style, of course– but really, her greatest legacy was that she was such an unsupportive, undemonstrative, self-involved mother that in rebellion her daughter became the complete opposite. What my grandmother did was create a daughter who would become a completely supportive, wholly loving mother.

To be honest, my mother did not entirely escape the vector of her mother, any more than I can escape that of mine. (Just ask my kids. Actually, please don’t.) On this Mother’s Day I can say I was one of the lucky ones: my mother’s particular mishmash of daughter and mother sometimes drove me crazy; occasionally infuriated me; but mostly made me feel like a singular, special human being. Thanks, Mom. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have plans to fill my Mother’s Day, and some of that crater, celebrating and enjoying my treasures.

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Cinnamon-Glazed Doughfins

These little bites are the mishmash of doughnuts and muffins.

1 stick unsalted butter

2/3 cup sugar

1 large egg

2 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg

1 cup milk

¼ teaspoon vanilla

½ teaspoon cinnamon

½ cup confectioners sugar

1 ½ teaspoons water

  1. Preheat the oven to 350F. Coat two mini-muffin pans with cooking spray.
  2. Beat the butter with an electric mixer until soft; add the sugar and beat until light and fluffy. Add the egg and beat until incorporated.
  3. Combine the flour, baking powder, salt and nutmeg in a second bowl. Add about a third of it to the batter and beat on slow speed until just combined. Add about a third of the milk and the vanilla and beat again. Add the dry ingredients and milk in two more alternating batches, mixing on slow speed after each addition.
  4. Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin cups; bake, rotating the pans about halfway through cooking, until the doughfins are lightly golden and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 14 minutes. Transfer to a rack placed over a sheet pan to cool and repeat with remaining batter. (You can line the sheet pan with parchment or foil to make cleanup easier.)
  5. While the doughfins bake, make the glaze: stir the cinnamon, confectioners sugar and water together until smooth. When the doughfins have cooled about 10 minutes, drizzle the glaze over them, allowing it to drip off. Allow the glaze to set 5 minutes before serving.

Makes 36

Nutritional analysis for each: 71 calories, 1 g protein, 11 g carbohydrates, 0 fiber, 3 g fat, 2 g saturated fat, 94 mg sodium24-2015

 

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